It is the moment to say Goodbye to 2016. I have no words, but I will do my best.
2016 has been the Year. Among all my dreams or life goals, the Ph. D. was one of the big ones. For sure it was the most important until now, and the most complicated. It brought so many changes to my life, and also to me. I've been looking back since I finished it and I am still not able to describe all of them. It could look like the end of that path, but it was just the beginning. I signed my postdoc contract a couple of weeks before defending my thesis. It was intense, although I realized it after it passed.
Jack Kerouac confused me so much. I was reading On the road and The Dharma Bums during those months between defending my thesis and leaving Sevilla. It was the end of something, I do not know what. My dream evolved from Ph. D. to postdoctoral positions that allow me to continue my career as the mathematician I want to be. At the same time, I was signing a contract for two years in Toronto. I felt overwhelmed by the situation, confused and sad at the same time. My trip to Sri Lanka was impossible, and I just wanted to fly and discover the world. Was the postdoc a good idea? I can tell you now that it was the best idea. But then, it was complicated, and Jack did not help me at all with the road trips and philosophical bullshit.
Saying goodbye to Sevilla wasn't easy neither. But I packed my material life again and I went road to Madrid. The car was completely full of boxes and I sang for the five road hours. I needed that trip as much as being alone for a while. I keep with me one of the best memories I have. The day of my defense, I invited for dinner to my blood family, my best friends from Madrid and my family from Sevilla. It was amazing and one of the best nights of the year.
Summer started having Medellín (Colombia) as my home for two weeks. It was my first time in South America, and I cannot be happier about it. It was an incredible experience and I keep too many things from it. I have to add that it was the best summer school I have been so far. Moreover, I found the peace I was looking for in such an unexpected way.
My Canadian adventure started the day before I was flying to Vancouver when I got my work permit approved on time. Vancouver was different. I had been already in Toronto and Montreal, and they look so different. As always, FPSAC conference was really good. It is amazing to meet everyone there year after year. The city and some experiences left me a bitter taste, though. Losing someone from your life is always complicated to assimilate.
Toronto. I feel grateful for everything has happened to me during last 6 months. I have experimented a lot of "first times" that I love so much. I can resume it easily. I am happy there. I could describe a lot of moments, but I cannot track all of them. So, I will keep these words: I am happy.
Thank you 2016 for such an amazing year. Hello 2017, I will only say "I want to be as happy as I am right now".
Lau
viernes, 30 de diciembre de 2016
viernes, 9 de septiembre de 2016
Reivindico / I claim my right
Reivindico mi derecho a opinar sobre lo que no me parece bien. Lo hacía cuando tenía 13 años y pensaba que habían cometido una injusticia con un compañero de clase. Lo hago desde los 18 cada vez que mi abuelo opina de política delante mío. Lo estoy haciendo ahora mismo sobre mi asignatura de este otoño.
Reivindico mi derecho a opinar. Como joven, como mujer, como persona. Nos hemos acostumbrado a que las personas sigan la corriente sin hacer nada, sin dar su opinión. Tenemos que opinar solo cuando se nos pregunta, como si fuéramos niños. Yo cuando era niña, opinaba en casa porque mis padres me preguntaban. Casi siempre era sobre temas más o menos relevantes para la familia, y yo con mi poca experiencia tenía una palabra en esa casa. ¿Cómo me voy a callar ahora que yo dirijo mi vida? Creo que esto es lo que pasa cuando uno crece y madura.
Desde hace unos meses, me he encontrado en mi camino personas que a penas me conocían. Esas mismas personas no han dudado en decirme que tengo un carácter fuerte, que no soy una mujer cualquiera, que no todas son como yo y que tengo que tenerlo en cuenta. No les niego que no sea una mujer cualquiera, pero les niego que tenga un carácter fuerte. Soy vulnerable y maleable en muchas ocasiones, siempre intento adaptarme a la situación (más que forzar la situación a mi molde), intento no discutir e intento ser positiva con todo el que me rodea (más que conmigo misma seguro). No porque sea sincera y diga lo que pienso, significa que sea fuerte. Pero no, no te equivoques. No me considero débil. He luchado por llegar a donde estoy, y me siento muy orgullosa de ello. No ha sido fácil ni regalado. Aunque me cueste decirlo en voz alta, aunque prefiera pasar desapercibida entre algunos. Si tengo que salir, salgo con garra y con fuerza. No es más fuerte el que más bulla produce ni es más débil el que más calla.
Escribí un email expresando mi opinión sobre qué temario debíamos incluir en una asignatura y ha sido prácticamente ignorado por la otra persona. No porque yo sea débil, mujer o joven. El problema no es mío, es de la otra persona. Fin de mi discurso.
I claim my right to comment on what does not seem right for me. I did it when I was 13 and thought that they had committed an injustice with a classmate. I do it since I was 18 every time my grandfather says what he thinks about politics. I'm doing right now on my fall subject.
I claim my right to speak. As a young person, as a woman, as a person. We have become accustomed to people to follow the stream without doing anything, without giving their opinion. We have to give our one's view only when we are asked, as if we were children. When I was a child, my parents asked me my opinion a lot of times. It was almost always about more or less relevant issues of the family, and little Laura had a word in that house. How am I going to shut up now that I lead my life? I think this is what happens when you grow up and mature.
For several months, I have found in my way people who barely knew me. Those same people have not hesitated to tell me that I have a strong character, I'm not just any woman, not all are like me and I have to take this into account. I do not deny them that I am not just like any woman, but I deny them that I have a strong character. I am vulnerable and malleable often, I always try to adapt to the situation (rather than force the issue to my mold), try not to argue and try to be positive with everyone around me (more than about myself). Not because I am honest and say what I think it means to be strong. But no, do not make any mistake. I do not consider myself weak. I have struggled to get where I am, and I am very proud of it. It has not been easy or given away. It costs me say it out loud, and most of the time I prefer to go unnoticed among some people. If I have to go out, I go out with claw and forcefully. It is not stronger the more noise occurs nor weaker the more silent one.
I wrote an email expressing my opinion on what we should include in the syllabus of a course and it has been virtually ignored by the other person. Not because I am weak, woman or young. The problem is not mine, it is the problem of the other person. End of my speech.
Reivindico mi derecho a opinar. Como joven, como mujer, como persona. Nos hemos acostumbrado a que las personas sigan la corriente sin hacer nada, sin dar su opinión. Tenemos que opinar solo cuando se nos pregunta, como si fuéramos niños. Yo cuando era niña, opinaba en casa porque mis padres me preguntaban. Casi siempre era sobre temas más o menos relevantes para la familia, y yo con mi poca experiencia tenía una palabra en esa casa. ¿Cómo me voy a callar ahora que yo dirijo mi vida? Creo que esto es lo que pasa cuando uno crece y madura.
Desde hace unos meses, me he encontrado en mi camino personas que a penas me conocían. Esas mismas personas no han dudado en decirme que tengo un carácter fuerte, que no soy una mujer cualquiera, que no todas son como yo y que tengo que tenerlo en cuenta. No les niego que no sea una mujer cualquiera, pero les niego que tenga un carácter fuerte. Soy vulnerable y maleable en muchas ocasiones, siempre intento adaptarme a la situación (más que forzar la situación a mi molde), intento no discutir e intento ser positiva con todo el que me rodea (más que conmigo misma seguro). No porque sea sincera y diga lo que pienso, significa que sea fuerte. Pero no, no te equivoques. No me considero débil. He luchado por llegar a donde estoy, y me siento muy orgullosa de ello. No ha sido fácil ni regalado. Aunque me cueste decirlo en voz alta, aunque prefiera pasar desapercibida entre algunos. Si tengo que salir, salgo con garra y con fuerza. No es más fuerte el que más bulla produce ni es más débil el que más calla.
Escribí un email expresando mi opinión sobre qué temario debíamos incluir en una asignatura y ha sido prácticamente ignorado por la otra persona. No porque yo sea débil, mujer o joven. El problema no es mío, es de la otra persona. Fin de mi discurso.
I claim my right to comment on what does not seem right for me. I did it when I was 13 and thought that they had committed an injustice with a classmate. I do it since I was 18 every time my grandfather says what he thinks about politics. I'm doing right now on my fall subject.
I claim my right to speak. As a young person, as a woman, as a person. We have become accustomed to people to follow the stream without doing anything, without giving their opinion. We have to give our one's view only when we are asked, as if we were children. When I was a child, my parents asked me my opinion a lot of times. It was almost always about more or less relevant issues of the family, and little Laura had a word in that house. How am I going to shut up now that I lead my life? I think this is what happens when you grow up and mature.
For several months, I have found in my way people who barely knew me. Those same people have not hesitated to tell me that I have a strong character, I'm not just any woman, not all are like me and I have to take this into account. I do not deny them that I am not just like any woman, but I deny them that I have a strong character. I am vulnerable and malleable often, I always try to adapt to the situation (rather than force the issue to my mold), try not to argue and try to be positive with everyone around me (more than about myself). Not because I am honest and say what I think it means to be strong. But no, do not make any mistake. I do not consider myself weak. I have struggled to get where I am, and I am very proud of it. It has not been easy or given away. It costs me say it out loud, and most of the time I prefer to go unnoticed among some people. If I have to go out, I go out with claw and forcefully. It is not stronger the more noise occurs nor weaker the more silent one.
I wrote an email expressing my opinion on what we should include in the syllabus of a course and it has been virtually ignored by the other person. Not because I am weak, woman or young. The problem is not mine, it is the problem of the other person. End of my speech.
domingo, 28 de agosto de 2016
No nueva del todo / Not new at all
Camino por las calles de esta ciudad con el móvil guardado en el bolso. No hago fotos de las calles ni de los cielos. No es una ciudad desconocida, desde que llegué hace casi dos meses. Tengo mis sitios preferidos para tomar café, los restaurantes que me gustan en los alrededores de mi casa y un poco más allá.
Esta ciudad no es nueva para mí. Sin embargo, hasta esta semana la rutina no me había afectado mucho. Seguramente porque he tenido visitas, alguna conferencia aquí y he hecho nuevos amigos. Eso siempre genera cierta expectación y emoción. Esta ha sido la primera semana sin nada nuevo, como quien dice.
He sobrevivido. Y me siento feliz de ello. El miedo que le tenía a Toronto va desapareciendo poco a poco y tengo hasta ganas de que llegue el invierno. Me siento preparada, porque no va a ser como entonces.
I walk the streets of this city with the mobile kept in the bag. I do not take pictures of the streets nor of the skies. It is not an unfamiliar city, since I arrived almost two months ago. I have my favorite coffee places, restaurants that I like around my house and a little beyond.
This city is not new to me. However, until this week the routine had not affected me much. Probably because I had visitors, some conference here and I've made new friends. That always creates some excitement and emotion. This was the first week with nothing new, as it were.
I have survived. And I feel happy about it. The fear I had to Toronto is disappearing slowly and I have so looking forward to the winter. I am prepared, because it will not be like then.
Esta ciudad no es nueva para mí. Sin embargo, hasta esta semana la rutina no me había afectado mucho. Seguramente porque he tenido visitas, alguna conferencia aquí y he hecho nuevos amigos. Eso siempre genera cierta expectación y emoción. Esta ha sido la primera semana sin nada nuevo, como quien dice.
He sobrevivido. Y me siento feliz de ello. El miedo que le tenía a Toronto va desapareciendo poco a poco y tengo hasta ganas de que llegue el invierno. Me siento preparada, porque no va a ser como entonces.
I walk the streets of this city with the mobile kept in the bag. I do not take pictures of the streets nor of the skies. It is not an unfamiliar city, since I arrived almost two months ago. I have my favorite coffee places, restaurants that I like around my house and a little beyond.
This city is not new to me. However, until this week the routine had not affected me much. Probably because I had visitors, some conference here and I've made new friends. That always creates some excitement and emotion. This was the first week with nothing new, as it were.
I have survived. And I feel happy about it. The fear I had to Toronto is disappearing slowly and I have so looking forward to the winter. I am prepared, because it will not be like then.
domingo, 7 de agosto de 2016
Los detalles / The details
Lo importante está en los detalles.
Una y otra vez encuentro esa frase en mis pensamientos. Los detalles. ¿Qué son los detalles? No los sé definir y eso que me considero buscadora de detalles.
Desde que llegué aquí, no puedo fijarme en los detalles. Los detalles han perdido importancia. ¿Por qué? Porque son los detalles los que acabarían haciendo que mi estado de ánimo pasara de feliz a triste. Déjame ponerte un ejemplo.
Hoy he ido a tomar el brunch con unos amigos a The White Brick.
El primer detalle es que no eran mis amigos en el sentido más real de la palabra. Olvidando ese detalle, digo que son mis amigos. ¿Por qué? Porque en esta nueva ciudad, ellos han aparecido y han hecho mis días más felices. Les conocí sin pretenderlo, y se han quedado. Hacemos planes, nos divertimos y estoy segura de que si lo necesito, me ayudarán. Así que olvidando el detalle sobre el sentido más real de la palabra, son mis amigos.
El segundo detalle es el brunch. No es que no me guste, pero si pudiera elegir, preferiría una ración de jamón de bellota con Helena en el bar de siempre, mientras hablamos con Rafael del calor que hace en Sevilla. Si obviamos ese detalle, estoy comiendo algo a deshora con unos amigos.
El tercer detalle es The White Brick y lo que hay detrás, Toronto. Porque si te fijas en el detalle, Toronto, no estoy en el mejor restaurante ni en la mejor ciudad. Pero si te olvidas del detalle, estoy en el sitio en el que quiero estar.
Así que no, lo importante no está en los detalles. Lo importante está en lo que me hace feliz, sea un detalle, sea un hecho general. Lo demás no lo hay que olvidar, pero no está de más dejarlo a un lado para otro momento de vez en cuando. Y los domingos son un buen momento para ese de vez en cuando. Yo me quedo con lo que me hace feliz, y analizo lo que no. Por suerte, últimamente hay más de lo primero que de lo último. Y no es cuestión de olvidar los detalles.
The important thing is in the details.
Again and again I find that phrase in my thoughts. The details. What are the details? I do not know how to define them and that I consider myself seeker details.
Since I arrived here, I can not notice the details. The details have become less important. Why? Because they are the details that would end up making my mood go from happy to sad. Let me give you an example.
Today I went to have brunch with friends to The White Brick.
The first detail is that they were not my friends in the truest sense of the word. Forgetting that detail, I say they are my friends. Why? Because in this new city, they have appeared and have made my happiest days. I knew them without meaning to, and they have remained. We make plans, we have fun and I'm sure if I need it, they will help me. So forgetting the details about the truest sense of the word, they are my friends.
The second detail is the brunch. It is not that I do not like brunch, but if I could choose, I would prefer a good ham with Helena at our bar, as we speak with Rafael about how hot it is in Seville. If we ignore that detail, I'm eating something at the wrong time with friends.
The third detail is The White Brick and what it is behind, Toronto. Because if you look at the detail, Toronto, I'm not in the best restaurant or in the best city. But if you forget the detail, I am in the place where I want to be.
So no, the important thing is not the details. The important thing is what makes me happy, be a detail or a general fact. Moreover the rest should not be forgotten, but it is worth it aside for another time occasionally. And Sundays are a good time for that once in a while. I stay with what makes me happy, and analyze what not. Luckily, there are lately more of the former than the latter. And there is no question of forgetting the details.
lunes, 1 de agosto de 2016
Todo en orden en Casa / Everything in order at Home
Escribo desde mi escritorio. Mi escritorio ahora mismo es una mesa entre la cocina y el salón de mi nueva casa. Mi habitación aún no tiene escritorio. Yo no tengo aún despacho en ningún sitio. Y sin embargo, todo está en orden. Dejé mi casa el pasado 11 de Junio y he estado hasta hace una semana sin casa propia. He pasado 13 días en casa de mis padres, dos semanas en un bonito hotel en Medellín (Colombia), otra semana en un hotel de Vancouver y dos semanas en casa de unos españoles en Toronto. Por fin, me siento en Casa. Extrañaba cosas tan rutinarias como cocinar, moverme en mi espacio, bailar al ritmo de la música en mi habitación o despertarme sabiendo que estoy donde estaré en los próximos meses.
No sé si has experimentado esa sensación, extraño al otro lado de la pantalla, pero es agradable. Aunque no todo esté listo. Me falta un escritorio en mi habitación, que me cambien la cómoda y colocar los pósters y fotos de la Familia. Aún tengo media maleta por deshacer y la ropa repartida por la habitación sin orden. Y sin embargo, todo está en orden. Es mi trocito de esta ciudad y, pase lo que pase, ahí estaré a salvo.
Estas primeras semanas han sido emocionantes y cargadas de emociones. Reencontrarme conmigo misma después de tres años y descubrir que la ciudad puede darme lo que ahora necesito. Bastaron unos días para que ese miedo desapareciera. Y qué suerte la mía la de venir en verano. Si aterrizas aquí sin conocerme, te diré que mi nueva ciudad es Toronto y que pasaré aquí dos años. Aunque el tiempo vuela, yo lo aprovecharé al máximo.
Todos necesitamos un lugar al que llamar Casa. Muchos lo tienen estático, aunque se muevan por el mundo. Otros lo asocian a personas. Yo voy descubriendo que mi Casa es donde yo esté y es la Familia la que asocio a personas. He encontrado mi nueva Casa, ya solo queda disfrutar de ella al máximo. No te quepa duda de que lo haré.
I write from my desk. My desk right now is a table between the kitchen and the living room of my new house. My room does not have a desk. I still have no office anywhere. However, everything is in order. I left my house last June 11 and have been up to a week without a Home. I spent 13 days at my parents place, two weeks in a nice hotel in Medellin (Colombia), another week in a Vancouver hotel and two weeks at the home of a Spanish couple in Toronto. Finally, I feel at Home. I missed things as routine as cooking, move in my space, dance with music in my room or wake up knowing that I am where I'll be in the coming months.
I do not know if you've experienced that feeling, strange across the screen, but it's nice. Although not everything is ready. I need a desk in my room, I'll change my bureau and I'll place posters and family photos. I have half undone suitcase and clothes distributed around the room without order yet. However, everything is in order. It's my little piece of this city and, whatever happens, I'll be safe.
These first few weeks have been exciting and emotionally charged. Reacquaint myself after three years and discover that the city can give me what I need now. It took a few days for this fear disappeared. And how lucky I come in the summer. If you land here without knowing me, I'll tell you my new city is Toronto and I'll spend here two years. Although time flies, I will make the most.
We all need a place to call home. Many have static, but moving around the world. Others associate it with people. I discover that my home is where I am and it is the family that I associate with people. I found my new Home, I am just enjoy it to the fullest. You can be sure that I will.
No sé si has experimentado esa sensación, extraño al otro lado de la pantalla, pero es agradable. Aunque no todo esté listo. Me falta un escritorio en mi habitación, que me cambien la cómoda y colocar los pósters y fotos de la Familia. Aún tengo media maleta por deshacer y la ropa repartida por la habitación sin orden. Y sin embargo, todo está en orden. Es mi trocito de esta ciudad y, pase lo que pase, ahí estaré a salvo.
Estas primeras semanas han sido emocionantes y cargadas de emociones. Reencontrarme conmigo misma después de tres años y descubrir que la ciudad puede darme lo que ahora necesito. Bastaron unos días para que ese miedo desapareciera. Y qué suerte la mía la de venir en verano. Si aterrizas aquí sin conocerme, te diré que mi nueva ciudad es Toronto y que pasaré aquí dos años. Aunque el tiempo vuela, yo lo aprovecharé al máximo.
Todos necesitamos un lugar al que llamar Casa. Muchos lo tienen estático, aunque se muevan por el mundo. Otros lo asocian a personas. Yo voy descubriendo que mi Casa es donde yo esté y es la Familia la que asocio a personas. He encontrado mi nueva Casa, ya solo queda disfrutar de ella al máximo. No te quepa duda de que lo haré.
I write from my desk. My desk right now is a table between the kitchen and the living room of my new house. My room does not have a desk. I still have no office anywhere. However, everything is in order. I left my house last June 11 and have been up to a week without a Home. I spent 13 days at my parents place, two weeks in a nice hotel in Medellin (Colombia), another week in a Vancouver hotel and two weeks at the home of a Spanish couple in Toronto. Finally, I feel at Home. I missed things as routine as cooking, move in my space, dance with music in my room or wake up knowing that I am where I'll be in the coming months.
I do not know if you've experienced that feeling, strange across the screen, but it's nice. Although not everything is ready. I need a desk in my room, I'll change my bureau and I'll place posters and family photos. I have half undone suitcase and clothes distributed around the room without order yet. However, everything is in order. It's my little piece of this city and, whatever happens, I'll be safe.
These first few weeks have been exciting and emotionally charged. Reacquaint myself after three years and discover that the city can give me what I need now. It took a few days for this fear disappeared. And how lucky I come in the summer. If you land here without knowing me, I'll tell you my new city is Toronto and I'll spend here two years. Although time flies, I will make the most.
We all need a place to call home. Many have static, but moving around the world. Others associate it with people. I discover that my home is where I am and it is the family that I associate with people. I found my new Home, I am just enjoy it to the fullest. You can be sure that I will.
martes, 26 de abril de 2016
Presentación / Presentation
Yo me llamo Laura. Si estás aquí, ya sabrás que soy diestra. Cada día estoy más cuerda, y más loca me siento. Vivo y respiro como puedo. A veces mucho, casi nunca poco. Escribo, mi vida. No todo lo que leerás aquí será verdad, no todo será mentira. Yo no soy lo que escribo, pero me escribo de vez en cuando. No tengo humor, pero me encanta sonreír. Antes tenía los ojos azules, ahora son verdes. Necesito la rutina tanto como el caos, y el estar quieta me agobia. Me muestro mucho en redes sociales, pero realmente soy lo que no muestro en ellas. Aquí no sé qué seré, pero seré muy yo. Tú sabes mejor que yo, qué quiere decir eso.
Bienvenido a mi nuevo rincón, donde yo voy a perderme. Espero que tú disfrutes.
My name is Laura. If you are here, you already know that I'm right-handed. Every day I am more sane and I feel crazier. I live and breath as I can. Sometimes a lot, rarely little. I write, my life. Not everything you'll read here is true, not all will be a lie. I'm not what I write, but I write myself from time to time. I have no humor but I love smile. Before I had blue eyes, now they are green. I need routine as much as chaos, and be still overwhelms me. I show a lot in social networks, but I really am what I do not show on them. Here I do not know what will be, but I will be very me. You know better than I what that means.
Welcome to my new spot, where I'm going to miss. I hope you enjoy.
My name is Laura. If you are here, you already know that I'm right-handed. Every day I am more sane and I feel crazier. I live and breath as I can. Sometimes a lot, rarely little. I write, my life. Not everything you'll read here is true, not all will be a lie. I'm not what I write, but I write myself from time to time. I have no humor but I love smile. Before I had blue eyes, now they are green. I need routine as much as chaos, and be still overwhelms me. I show a lot in social networks, but I really am what I do not show on them. Here I do not know what will be, but I will be very me. You know better than I what that means.
Welcome to my new spot, where I'm going to miss. I hope you enjoy.
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